Not Another Think Piece About Cultivating Wonder
by Mary Proffit Klumpenhouwer
Don’t let this happen to your child.
Given that refined sugar and smart phones are both more addicting than cocaine, it should be high on every mother’s priority list to protect her children from becoming prey to the sugar and media industries. When this hard battle is fought, rich rewards follow. Children not addicted to sugar love carrots, beets, and honey. When the tongue is not craving refined flour, it loves oatmeal, quinoa, and hard red winter wheat.
The diversity of the palette gives an analog for the imagination. Without access to screens, boys and girls are fascinated by dogs, airplanes, and purses. Lack of electronic toys begets a love for blocks, books, and binoculars. In his essay “The Thousand Good Books,” John Senior argues that a liberal education only takes root “in an imaginative ground saturated with fables, fairy tales, stories, rhymes, adventures.” Or in the words of Aristotle, “All knowledge begins in the senses” Nihil in intellectu nisi prius in sensu. (Literally: Nothing in intellect except first in senses.)
A well-stocked imagination is the “good soil” in Christ’s parable of the sower (Matthew 13:1-23). Nature must be healthy and whole for the seed of grace to take root.
The parent or teacher who has prepared the ground by weeding out sugar and screens is often tempted to say with the Pharisee, “O God, I give thee thanks that I am not as the rest of men” (Luke 18:11). Doing the right thing always carries with it the temptation to pride.
Zealous protection of the home, a Draconian defense against worldly mediocrity, then, must accompany a nearly impossible humility. The task of the classical Christian mother and father entails a willingness to be called a snob and a constant repetition of the Jesus prayer, “Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.”
I once heard a priest advise at a homeschool conference, “There is no silver bullet. Or rather, the only silver bullet is personal holiness.” The godlikeness of the Blessed Virgin, of Saint Monica, of Saint Rita is the model for women who strive to hand on the faith to their children. The less cheap plastic junk you have around your home, the less zany and destructive your children will be, but other toxins threaten the aura of the home that are yet more deadly. The anger, the envy, and the pride that creep into a mother’s heart pose an even more serious danger to her child’s soul.
I am always tempted to vaunt my educational philosophy over my friends and acquaintances: “I don’t allow my child to have x, y, or z” sounds so holier-than-thou. Not only do I run the risk of alienating fellow mothers, but my children are being taught to think they are better than the rest of the world simply because they are homeschooled in my special way, which belief could jeopardize their immortal souls. Homeschooled children can go to hell. Public schooled children can go to heaven. Private schooled children can spend a long time in purgatory.
When we stop judging our neighbors for their schooling choices, we can appreciate the breath of fresh air that comes from the peace and quiet of a home without beeping, buzzing, and blinking. Turn off the AC and open the windows. (John Senior also hated air conditioning.) If the thought occurs to you that the education you are giving your child is superior to someone else’s, thank God and move on. No use dwelling on it.
It is not a sin to let your child eat a Starburst. Or to send him to a public school. Or to let her watch Bluey. While these parenting choices may be unwise and dangerous, they are not sinful in themselves. But if sloppy parenting is the result of negligence or self-indulgence, it may well be culpable and carry the pain of sin.
Children who are shielded from popular forms of entertainment are absolutely glued to an adult who condescends to teach them something. “Repeat after me” becomes a magical incantation rather than an eye-roll-inducing command. Children who are allowed to be bored will freely give you their attention and recite Greek, Latin, and King James English merely for the pleasure of hearing their voice imitate yours. When the adult is the only television around, he becomes a captivating spectacle.
My biggest hurdle as a parent is my own addiction to screens and sugar. I want my daughter to take a nap so I can indulge my guilty pleasures unseen. Give me some white bread and high fructose corn syrup while no one’s looking. And I’ll just check my phone for no reason while I’m at it.
The laziness of my palette is not surprising in light of my tepid soul which can hardly say the prayer before meals without my daughter there to remind me. Nemo dat quod non habet. How can I give her what I do not have? Holiness cannot be faked, and children are the best at calling a bluff. I must live out the goodness I wish to pass on. In the words of James Baldwin, “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” If we want our children to appreciate gorgonzola cheese, Brussel sprouts, and liver pâté, we must also take on the difficult task of acquiring new and better tastes. If we want our children to weep over the beauty of The St. Matthew Passion, we must first weep over our sins. Your children will become like you, so you must become like God.